a beautiful mistake in my life

Sorry i havent been blogging.

i have waay too much homework

wayy to much stress

almost failing in some subjects

and something outrageous happened 2 days ago.

i had sent him an awfully long email. telling him to throw my heart away and erase his name from my heart.

i had told him that it was fine if we were never to speak again , just as he requested. but he had to do the things i mentioned. give back my heart so that i wont be waiting for a hint of hope from him anymore and to erase his name from my heart, so that all the memories will disappear. Because to be honest, i have tried for how many months now? 2 months ? To forget about him . and its not working . i dont have the strength and power to erase him from my memories. so i begged for his help.

but instead, he wrote me a note stating that he still loved / cared about me . he replied to me and gave me an answer which was utterly unexpected. i thought he hated me . i thought he despised me . i thought that i was the one girl who broke his heart because i lost trust in him when he was innocent . but he didnt . he still loves me. if i were with him, i would hug him and burst into tears. i seriously still care about him . i really do . i would do anything to be able to see him again and spend just one day with him  . just one day! thats all im asking for . i sometimes imagine us riding on his motorbike and me holding onto him around his waist. and to feel the same feelings i had with him the first time . oh and how happy i was when i found out that he was going to attend this mass church gathering to praise Lord Jesus. For a moment, i stopped, and wondered - has he really changed ? He mentioned on the email that he also wonders, because he actually can get a new girlfriend so easily , since he is goodlooking , but he wonders why only my name comes up every time . I, MYSELF wonder how i could make him confess all this ? what did i do to make him fall in love with me, if he is telling the truth now ? and i have to believe him this time because i have to learn to trust him . i have accused him so many times, and how i have hurt him so repetitively . oh what will i do ?

Should i trust his words, and continue to wait for him ? Or shall i just move on .? 

 he continues to hold the key to my heart.

oh please , i beg of someone to come and replace him . im ready to wait for someone new .