www.tumblr.com

 I admit that I want someone new in my life. I’ve thought it through, and there is someone that could replace him, but we are close friends and I don’t want to ruin our friendship/relationship between us, just for the sake of my desire. I mean, if he would ever have feelings for me, I would be... beyond delighted. And people that think that I like the new guy, well to be honest, I really don’t care, because I know it’s not the truth. I don’t feel that he would complete ‘my world’. He would be a typical person who I’d just have a fling with, which means not for serious relationship – but just for fun. But again, I don’t want to get into a relationship where it’s just like that. I want to actually get into a serious relationship. And no, it’s not because “I want to have babies with them.” –(Mr O’Donnell - -“) . 

I would love a guy who is mature, kind, respectful, patient, and sweet - Of course, a guy who I can comfortably talk with about absolutely anything. And I guess there is already a guy who meets that criteria, but I don’t want to distract him in his studies, likewise, my own. It’s a shame Kevin changed. He taught me everything about love. He taught me how to love someone. How to respect other’s feelings, and he taught me that love is something that cannot be forced. If one couple were to madly be in-love for only a week, the bond between those two is not strong enough. That couple has not yet known each other’s real deep personality. 

Although Kevin seemed so perfect and was willing to change his bad behaviour – it only lasted for no more than 1 month. His real personality started appearing when I left him from Indonesia. One week just wasn’t enough for us. How could I have trusted him in the first place? Now as a consequence, I’m left heartbroken, and gosh-knows- how his life is in Indo. I’ve basically deleted all of his memories. And I was so close to deleting his phone number a few hours ago. But I resisted and I’ll save it for the future. –sigh- anyway, I shouldn’t even be saying this stuff about him.  Haih... I’m so drained thinking about these things. Right now, I just want to focus on my studying and fix all my weaknesses, but yet at the same time, I want that feeling of someone that cares about me , and someone who sayangs me. Like what if in Uni, there isn’t anyone else that is like him? Gosh I feel already so bad, that I’ve rejected him like hanging out in the city or going to a trip with him over states, since I’m “too young” according to my  parents they are like so sooo strict. haih. I know they just want to protect me, and I appreciate that they care about me, I really do, but I’m sure that he wouldn’t do anything to me in that kind of way. And I’m certainly not that kind of girl who would be willing to have free sex. Because I have dignity, I know where my boundaries are, I will not go against God’s law, and I am simply self conscious (bahahhaha.) So there you have it. My parents are like Mr OD, thinking about that “baby” business. lol . anyway, when I told him about this condition, he didn’t give up on our friendship :) and he accepted that my parents are like that , and we are still as close as ever. Okay, sorry, this is getting really strange.~ it feels weeeeird talking about him like this!!! Okay , I will stop my blabbering now. Sorry for this really long post today. I needed to express my feelings . weew. xoxox