well if ur going to put wat u have to say out there u should accept that not everyone is going to like it. and yes its their decision whether or not they read it but some people just do that for kicks. u shldnt hav 2 shut down ur blog-show them u dnt care

Okay , this is gonna be the last hate comment I'm answering today. Okay , could you please just stop pretending to be multiple people? It doesnt make sense that as soon as a mean comment is posted, some random person just happens to see it and posts a nice comment like 2 seconds afterwards. Also, the style of writing of all the comments are strangely very similar. unless if you have a 2-personality-disorder and cannot help it, then I'm suggesting that you are simply being a creep and stalking me by posting up very contrasting comments, consecutively on my formspring? Or are you simply bored and that you want to see how my reaction will be after reading all your comments? .Seriously, quit acting , stalking and go to bed anon.

formspringHERE.

losers... the people posting mean stuff, that is

okay. whatever. thnx.

formspringHERE.

that was supposed to sound nice!

who are you anyway..

formspringHERE.

Merry, babe you should just realise this is the internet and stop taking it so seriously. People are just having fun!

I knowww T.T but it hurts to find people who are brave to say hurtful messages directly at me... but alright.. thank you. i think..

formspringHERE.

hey merry you're lame

Aren't we all? :D

formspringHERE.

what the......who was that???

I have no idea... :(

formspringHERE.

YAY POSITIVENESS TO EVEN OUT NEGATIVENESS. YAY FOR RAINBOWS AND PILLOWS AND DAISIES AND SUCH. YAAAAAAAY. :P declan

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! :D You're so funny , Declan :P thanks alot :D :D :D <3

formspringHERE.

what the fuck is with people attacking you? LOSERS! just shut them out or something merry!

and how did you know this so fast? o.o ...... seriously....... im beginning to shut down my blog or something cuz of how fast my news spreads.................... haha..... anyway. thank you so much :] i will. and i have. :)

write me something :]

hey merry. havent been here in a while! who the f*ck is that person having a go at you? they dont HAVE to read your blog :/ losers... on another note, listen to this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDfggR6wGVs haha not directed at you! its stuck in my head

hey friendly stranger :] I HAVE NO FCKING IDEA WHO IS HE/HER. I know right. Obviously, their lives are so lame until they need more "entertainingly lame" things to add up in their low lives. sigh. whatever. alright, haha thanks :] who is the btw? . thank you so much for the support <3

write me something :]

man you like invented loser... and i read it because its entertainingly lame and i dont want to say it to your face because well, lets face it... you will be the one that will get hurt im being considerate really!

"entertainingly lame" , huh? what kind of low life are you? alright, if you're so certain that I will be the one who will get hurt, I'd like to see that happen TOMORROW. Dude, ARE YOU EVEN FROM MY SCHOOL?

write me something :]

really really tacky... love this love that la la lalalala get a real life..

Look. If this is the same person from before, or if this is another person who has decided to attack me whilst remaining to be ANON, then I suggest YOU to get a real life and SAY WHAT YOU HAVE SAID JUST NOW, to my FACE. At least I'm not afraid of expressing feelings publicly. Unlike YOU who has decided to remain anon and be a coward! Just so that you can keep attacking me yet remain unknown to others. You go get a life. Learn to respect people. And listen ANON, if you don't like what you read from my blog or where-ever else you STALK ME AT, then STOP READING WHAT I POST UP, OKAY? The fact that you force yourself to read all my posts, although you don't enjoy what I write, how you don't appreciate any of it , but yet you STILL READ IT (since its obvious that you are aware that i talk about love alot) is ABNORMAL and quite STALKER-ISH. And hey, learn to speak proper English. Your last statement makes no sense. Who's the tacky one now, loser?

write me something :]

( From left to right) : Milk - Fauzan - Franco - Saharat - Wilson

Credits to : Marie Wong

Awwwh.. hahahhaa. such handsome guys, dont cha think? :] Anyway , this was from the year 12 graduation night, last Wednesday at Crown Ballroom. It was a lovely night, though the guests could have been entertained more better.. with like dance performances or a slideshow presentation.. Anything that could have made the guests more welcome, laugh together, have fun, enjoy themselves and have an absolutely great night. :] Like I guess it was really formal and so serious, though we should have done something together to celebrate the year 12's achievement by having more lively events on stage :] But anyway, nevermind, every school is different.. lol. A definite highlight of the night was that all of the year 12's looked all so beautiful and so handsome.. and I'm sure that their parents, family, friends and relatives are all proud of them. Anyway, here is some few other photos that I took or that I got from Malanu or Ashley: (click to enlarge)

I really love this group photo! we all so so gorgeous! <3 tehehe.

(Ainul, Lara, Kate, Newyear, Abu, Amal, Wafi, Me, Janet, Wilson, Malanu, Suchet, Marie, Milk)

Beautiful Girls All Over the World :]

(Ellena, Merry, Ashley)

Beautiful girls, have beautiful hearts.

(Merry, Ashley, Malanu)

Another great group photo! hahahaa. Featuring year 10's as well.

(Me, Malanu, Yuxi, Lim, Wilson, Franco, Yeon Ju, Fatin, Amal, Dome, Chunkee, Ainul, *dont know*, Abu, David, and Minseok)

My handsome brother Frank! 

I swear his hair looked better.. but the lighting in the photo is quite dark so yeah.

hehehehehe. the bathroom was quite nice. 

Stunnning Girls Showing off their pretty dresses and hair :]

Me and Amal with the school captain - Tom Sheeran!

Goodluck Tom for the future! Thanks for being a great leader :]

Posers.

I will most definitely miss you, Sokhom. xxxxx

hey... are you alrite now?

...lol .. yes I am :] thanks..

Youre welcome to ask me anything or write any comment for me :]

hi merry ^_^

hi anon! (n__n) ~

Youre welcome to ask me anything or write any comment for me :]

LOVE YOUR BLOG! :D

THANK YOUUUU! <3

Youre welcome to ask me anything or write any comment for me :]

do you not realise how MOST of the shit you write is so tacky? go back to year 7 baby girl. LOVE YOU BITCH

do you not realise that you have just contradicted yourself in your little statement just now? go back to primary school to learn how to make sense in your sentences and learn your manners while your there. BITCH YOU LATER LOVE

Youre welcome to ask me anything or write any comment for me :]

Doesn't this sound familiar?

hahaha.

An appreciation note for all my friends

As some of you may already know, my facebook statuses tonight were quite extreme . I've wasted most of my energy on her, so I feel quite weary giving details on here, and I guess you guys already have a general understanding of what happened tonight. Anyway, this post is dedicated to all my friends (Tambie, Ashley, Amal, Fatin, Karli, Mikha, Jacky, Fauzan, Malanu, Sokhom, Wilson, and Wafi) as I would like to say a special thanks to them as a sign of appreciation for all their support for me from today:

Everlasting thanks to all my brothers and sisters who have helped me out tonight. From being supportive, defensive until bringing the drama to a final end. ♥ . P.s I discovered that wafie is influenced by school too much. from using words like "acidic"- Chemistry term, to "mouthwash"-Biology term, to "ethical"- TOK term until "fudge"- Food ♥ . hahaha . LOL . I love you all :) Thank you once again~

I would like to say that I have never been as angry as before at someone, in my whole entire life. The things that were directed to me from that dirty mouth, whose name I don't want to mention , since I feel that she isn't worthy to be recalled, has really hurt me tonight. But that isnt the worst. It hurts me even more that she has failed to respect my family and shows absolutely no gratitude towards any of us, who were her host family. My family sacrificed many things to make her happy, yet she fails to respect my parents and my brother, and this fact hurts me a lot. I don't care about all the things she called me from "shit" to "fucker", as I am going to put that all behind me and erase them from my mind from now on. All I care is that I wish she would take back every thing she said about me. Swearing that "She (directed to me) will never get a boyfriend for her whole entire life!" is quite mean, and girl, I assure you that if someone who is as bitchy and disrespectful as you, I'm sure that karma will hit you in return. I don't need to swear back at you, because I'm sure your words will haunt you back. And to every other kid who is the same age as her, I hope they can learn from my story that you should always think before you speak. Judge yourself, before judging someone else. Respect others, as you would like to be respected. Treat others like how you would like to be treated. And as for her, I am still disappointed in what she has said to me, and as a result of that, she has completely lost my respect for her. Indonesian people are supposed to represent the idea of "respecting others" and "being friendly", but from what she's done, she has completely back-stabbed her own country. Her disrespectful, sinister, bad-mouthed attitude has put such a disgrace for herself, her country and to her school.

And i really think that someone should tell her one day.

I will eventually forgive her, but the fastest way to do that is to forget her first..

"Aku butuh cinta yang setia."

I need faithful, honest and never-ending love.

At moments where I feel so emotional, I want a guy who will hug me and comfort me and tell me that I shouldn't give up on life. I need that guy right now. I've almost given up with this other guy from school, because I feel that fate is always pulling us away from each other. There is not once where we are not separated from each other. For example, during graduation the other night, I only had the chance to speak with him for less than a minute because I had to go home already. Then my parents are always constantly giving me no freedom to go out with any guys what so ever. Though with him, I really feel that we aren't meant to be. It's like God knows that I really love him but he is not for me, so our relationship is always distanced by any obstacles in life. It's really unfair, but this is part of my destiny, to not be with him. All I can do is to hope and pray that there is a better man for me in the future. What made me fall for this guy in the first place? Well he is really different from other guys. He has listened to me whenever I cry about stupid minor teenage-love problems, and he always cheers me up, he always looks after me whenever I am in trouble or caught in the rain. He is never ever PMS-y like the other guys. There is not once where he has mistreated me. He is the first guy who has always made me happy. I smile and my heartbeat races whenever he greets me with his friendly smile. No wonder his friends are always there for him when he is in trouble, because he is a really good friend. I really need someone like him who cares about me sincerely. I'm really sick of guys playing around with girl's feelings. Whenever I see or hear about guys who mistreat girls, it really makes me upset and angry. All girls need to be respected and treated with care, because you may not know it, but just because that girl isn't showing her emotions in front of you, that does not mean that she doesn't cry because of you at night. And when she does cry directly in front of you, it shows that she has reached the point where she is telling you that she gives up on pretending to not feel the way you thought she was. You guys need to wake up. We girls aren't a piece of meat where you can just have sex with her and leave her the next morning. Nor are we toys that can be played with and eventually  get  thrown away just cuz you are bored with it. You need to respect us girls, because most of us are really insecure and long for a guy who will treat her with loyal care and love. I really need a guy like that.

Hey~ Goodmorning :)

I'm reasonably happy this morning. Started off with no dramas in my home. So yeahhhh. Hope it will stay like this foreverrr.  ahahaha.anyways, yesterday I was quite emotional , again. Though being emotional this time didnt mean I fired at everyone with anger. bahahaha. i just you know.. was emo about the year 12s leaving. I'm especially gonna miss Sokhom and Frank. T.T and I just realised that I didnt get to sign Sokhom's shirt.... hoih...lol. anyways, I was at the same time, happy cuz i was soooo happy for my two close friends - wilson and janet, who are both now the new School Captains! :D I'm really proud of their achievement, and I'm glad that they got the position. xxxxx

Okay. Here I am blogging about my life again. I'm so sick of life in general , you know . I mean, I'm stressed out man. I can't fcking wait to get out of this school because right now, I'm at the point where I could just wish to disappear from this world. I mean, I enjoyed my time last night at graduation, and all the year 12's looked all so beautiful and handsome, but seriously, I had to go home early and that just wrecked my mood. I noticed that I have major mood swings every day. I mean , I was all lovestruck and all, but now I wish I could delete him from my life. Yeah. I'm so sick of everything. Thank goodness my social life at school is good , but apart from that, everything is in a mess. ughhhh. just feel like crying in a corner until the one I love comes along and holds me tight in his arms and whispers quietly that everything will be okay, because he is always there for me. But no. Of course that won't happen. Because I dont have a boyfriend, do i? ugh. I'm so bored of my life you know. I know right now I'm sounding so dramatic, but its the fact la. My life IS dramatic.Right now , i just need these things:

- Love - from him.
- I want to spend more time , with him.
- Love and understanding - from my parents
- No more fighting in my life.
- No more failing at any tests or exams during IB for me.
- I need more time to sleep.

you were really beautiful..

awwh... who is this? you're very kind :] thank you so much <3

Youre welcome to ask me anything or write any comment for me :]

 And when it’s time for you to go,

There’s no doubt, my heart will always be with you. xx

In the past, I had never really found the meaning of true friendship..

The word friendship alone, for me meant blurry.

Everything that I have experienced as a young teenager, from the fights, the jealously, the back-stabbing, the feeling of being isolated to that constant crying from social - life, almost had me lose hope in ever believing in the existence of true friendship..

But in 2010, all those negative thoughts were wiped away...
God had finally given me what was missing in my heart...

...It was that missing love that people get from true friendship ~ and it was these people who gave this feeling to me...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

They are my strength at times where I feel like I want to leave school;

They are the ones who listen to all my silly current or past love stories during these teenage years;

They are the ones who help me with homework; 

They are the ones who lend me a shoulder to cry on at times when I'm emotional;

They are the ones who bring happiness, fun and laughter into my life;

They are the ones who say - "OH DAYYUMMM."

They are the ones who roll their eyes at me every time I get dramatic when I spot a hot guy;

They are the ones who share photo captured memories with me on the beach in Bali; 

They are the ones who giggle with me when watching Korean MV's;

They are the ones who tease me about Frankie or Greeny or any other guy that has a connection with me at school;

They are the ones who carry my books while walking me back to my car after school;

They are the ones who swim on the bed, roll around in circles and throws pillows at the laptop screen when they are hysterically laughing;

They are the ones who laugh like tarzan on rollercoasters;

They are the ones who sneak blue-berry muffins into biology class;

They are the ones who join webcam-whoring moments with me during school;

They are the ones who have the time of their lives during sitting down in the the stimulator theatre seats;

They are the ones who fail at dancing Korean choreographed dances;

They are the ones who randomly blurt out that they wish for a boyfriend or a summer fling;

They are the ones who stand in a KFC queue (ordering for one of us) for half an hour without complaining;

They are the ones who cause hotel next-door-neighbours to knock on the door and tell them to quite down;

They are the ones who goes high-pitched at times of stress;

They are the ones who give the best hugs in times of sadness; 

They are the ones who I can trust; 

They are the ones who became part of the SRC;

They are the ones who think I am an expert at attracting *ahem* guys. *awkward* (when i think the opposite); 

They are the ones who have high demands in what their future husband has to be like; 

They are the ones who play spot-a-hot-guy game with me; 

They are the ones who list all the (creepy and non-creepy) guys that check me out; 

They are the ones who become instant celebrities for random young-aged girls;

They are the ones who always got told off by Pak for their addiction to coke/pepsi;

They are the ones who help me think of plans (when it comes to the guys I like);

They are the ones who came into my life last year;


They are the ones who I now love dearly;


They are the ones who mean a lot to me in life;

They are the ones I call - 'My Brothers and My Sisters.'

Our love and care that we shared during the Indo Trip really touched my heart. The fact that two weeks  really bonded our relationship is I think , really special and incredible. Every where we went, we stayed faithful to protect one another, we never failed to entertain one another at times of boredom, we were all so open at dinner conversations and the fact that we were so family-like had really touched my heart. I love you guys so much and I really mean it.

And to my Wilson, I will never forget the care and love he gave to me during the Ski Trip. He really looked after me and he always helped me get back up whenever I fell down on the snow. He really looked after me like as if I was his sister, and so now I am grateful to consider him as one of my brothers. Since he is older than me too, he gives me supportive advice all the time, making me more mature and more wise. He's always there for me, and he never grumbles whenever I begin to tell my problems in life to him. :] I really love him as my brother. Thank you so much, Wilson.

And of course, my lovely Ashley whom I have been friends with since year 9. I still remember when you first introduced me to Korean Music. I thought it was strange how you could be addicted to such songs when you couldn't even understand the language. But little did I realise, that I too would be addicted to Korean songs, like am now. I think we have shared the most memories, from good to bad, but throughout all things we've been through, they have only become stronger and closer than ever :] We are basically together everywhere at school until people have commented about how weird it is seeing me alone without you. LOL.. But like it says on the picture above, we are like inseparable sisters. :] .You have listened to all my stories about all my ex's.. You listened every time when I was upset about Kevin.. You helped me get over him.. You helped by defending me by attacking Ryan and Kevin online which made me laugh, you always give me your good long philosophical (LOL) advices whenever I'm in trouble, you are basically like my personal love advisor, we share a lot of common interests so we can basically talk about anything, we think that we're both weird and we do weird stuff whenever we get stressed , which is always funny, you always help remind me if I forget something, you help me with my homework, you introduced me to "hi my sweetheart", you have done many things for me for the last 2 years Ash.. thank you so much for everything. I love you.

So here, I have come to realize that these guys mean so much to me in my life. It was not until now, have I realized that it is you guys who are my true friends. Finally I have found someone who I feel comfortable with, who I rarely have a fight with, who I trust, who I always have fun with, and who are always there for me. There have been so many times where I have just felt so low, and so hopeless, to the point where I just want to leave Kilmore, but then I think of you guys and my heart tells me to stay. That proves how important you guys are in my life. I really sayang them so dearly and I never want our friendship to fade or break away. Even if we are distanced away from each other in the future, I'm sure we will never forget each other. Because of you guys, I have finally found and have felt the real meaning of true friendship, that is, - True Friendship will last forever - and so will ours.

So without them, I wouldn't even be here.

Thank you so much for everything. 

I love you. Never forget this.

3.45PM - Sunday - 24th - October - 2010 ♥

True Friendship Last Forever.

Alright. Maybe I am a little too dramatic in my blog posts. And maybe we did have a misunderstanding last week. But didn't I say in my old post that I wouldn't bitch-blog about any of you? What don't you understand from that? If I do happen to bitch or if I happen to be really moody on my blog, that does not imply that it is directed at you. I am a sensitive person, and it's clear that you are too. I'm really sick of both of us posting hurtful statuses at each other. We should stop behaving like this to save our friendship. When I indirectly apologized to you guys on my blog, on twitter and on my Facebook, I was really sincere. But I guess you didn't get the message.

So from now on, I don't want to post anymore bitchy notes on my blog, because it can offend anyone. 

I think it's pointless that I'm posting this up now because I would rather tell you everything directly at school, but I just want to say one last thing- I never want our friendship to tear apart all because of my stupidity and also my hateful-like personality. Please forgive me. I take back all of my stupid mean actions from the past. We really need to talk face to face instead of doing it online. Please. I want this to stop. You might think that I hate you, but I dont. I cried this week because of how concerned I was about our friendship. Our friendship is my strength that gets me going throughout school. You guys are the reason why I am still at the school. Because at times where I am sad and whenever I feel like I want to leave, you guys give me the strength to say. So please, let's stop all this bitch-talk and getting upset at eachother for reasons that we aren't even confessing at each other right now. I admit that I am a very emotional person. So emotional that I think that it is in my blood. However, I reassure you that since I have become aware of my anger-management issues, I have promised to my parents and now to you guys that I am on my way to improvement. I don't want to always be like this. I hate getting angry so easily that sometimes I even hate my own personality. I am really sorry once again, but we need to talk face to face and resolve this all. There are a lot of things that I want to explain and I feel that I have to explain it all to you guys . Because I want nothing but the truth to stop all the misunderstanding between us. I think it would be better if we can see each other's perspective. And I promise that I will be prepared to face any (hurtful) confessions made by any of you, because I want to know what I am like in your eyes. You guys are my sisters, and so I will accept anything that you will say. This way, we will be able to improve individually, and our friendship will be stronger than it was. Remember, I really care about you guys and I'm really sorry for everything that I have done. 

Good  Morning  Peoples. 

Well I think I've started off with a good morning . ( Good indication of improvement! ) . I mean, this week, I'm going to try really hard to not get so moody or bitchy. I mean , it doesn't do me any good , and it results to creating more problems for myself. So yeah, no point of me screaming at my blog or something. lol. Anyway, I'm a little positive this morning because I did some math homework last night, and thanks to God, I was able to do it . I really hope that I will get a good mark for this calculus test. I want to prove to my stupid teacher that I'm capable of getting at least a 6 for maths as an overall grade! I won't let her stupid predictions come true! Ugh. (-_-) . and yesterday she told my dad that she gave a handout or something to one of my friends. and when i asked all of them, none of them knew what i was talking about... so obviously, she didn't give it to one of my close friends or perhaps even someone who is in my math class like Joshua or Ashley. (-_-) and she didn't even state the name to my dad .. so yeah. What-ever.. I'll just ask her on Monday.

I'm currently addicted to this Agnes Monica , song. She's a singer from Indonesia and when I was watching this Indo hypnotizing confessions show ~ Uya emang Kuya ~ there was a girl who sang a song and it was so pretty! But now I'm trying to find the name of the song, and I can't find it anywhere! T.T huhuhu. Anyway, if I do end up finding it, I'll make it as my theme background song on this blog :]

Gosh! Our school has already asked the year 11's for their jumper sizes! D: and i missed out cuz i wasnt at schoooool! mann... now who do I have to contact?? I don't wanna miss out! D: Oh ma goshhhhh, I'm almost year 12!! T_T And I'm already comfortable with being year 11..... hoih... not too old~ not too young~ lol. And that means that Frankie is going to leave me very soon.. *cries*. I dont want him to leave me.. but we can't do anything because life is always moving. I think I'll be emotional when I have my final goodbye with him, and I don't even want to think about it. I mean.. I will miss everything about him, seriously. After all this time, he has taken care of me like a caring older brother should towards his younger sister. He is so loving and caring.. and who am I suppose to go to if I need a shoulder to cry on when i need a brother's advice? I mean, I do have other guy friends.. but because they are all similar age to me, I don't feel the same connection as I do with Frankie.. Like I really look up to him, and I've never experienced the sort of brotherly-love from any one else, like he has given to me. So that's my reason why I know that I will miss him dearly each and everyday.. *cries*

Alright.. Yesterday I was moody to the extreme.. but thanks God I have recovered. I finally told my parents what was happening in my life, and thank goodness I feel much better today. I was stressed again yesterday , as you all saw it with my previous post.... I really do take it all back.. Haih~ (-_-) I found out why I had anger issues this week and last week..... I feel so ashamed of myself... but anyways.. Hopefully I won't be like this next week.. And finally I sorted out all the issues with my friends.. :] School's been so busy and all that shizz.. so i might not blog so often . sorry peeps..

I just had a 1.5 hour heart-to-heart friendship talk with malanu at school ♥ I'm not sure what had triggered me to start the conversation, but I guess it just came out unintentionally. Like seriously, cuz she told me that she was about to go back to her dorm... but then I insisted for her to stay in the library with me... and yeah suddenly as I was doing my math... it just came out of my mouth and I blurted out the question - "Malanu, what do you feel about our friendship? Like all of us.. (you me ashley emma tambie wafi and fauzan) ?" and then ... that's when it all started.. we talked and talked... until when we were holding hands, the friendly librarian came over and asked what was going on , and we told her we were having a friendship talk, and so she smiled and said - awwh.. alright , thats a must. continue :)

I'm not sure what I really feel at the moment. I mean, I feel a little relieved to have poured my heart out to Malanu. And I guess I shared my feelings with her, because she's just so... innocent. She's like the right person to talk to. And at the end of the day, we both realised that she is like the connector between all of us.  She's the only one who is less bitchy than everyone else. Because she's the most innocent (except for the suggesting of the name Rhino :P hahahaha) and yeah I guess she never thinks the worst of people, especially her friends. So she's really kind-hearted you know. Me and Ash were so proud of her for getting picked into becoming SRC :) and we think that she deserves it. We even said that if there was a role for leadership in hospitality or an award for the kindest-hearted person, she should get it. ♥ hehe.. love you malanu...

Anyway.. after sharing stories to each other, on the other side of me, I feel upset at some of the things I heard from today.. and I don't know how to really word this.. I feel a lot of regret from the email that I sent to my friends last week because it has caused such a misunderstanding between us all. I feel so depressed that because of my harsh email, my best friends, who i considered to be all as my own sisters, have judged me in return. I can't blame them for feeling upset after they had read my email... but I'm left speechless after hearing what mean thoughts they had of me.. I don't know what to say... or what I'm supposed to say.



But I reassure you all that when I blocked my blog, I had no intention, no thoughts and no need to bitch-blog about you guys.


That was not the reason why I put my blog on private. The reason why I put it on private was because my life at that time (at home and at school) was in chaos, so I felt lazy to have all the attention from my blog, and also making the effort of actually blogging about anything anymore. And throughtout all, if I HAD blogged bitchy thoughts about you guys, what benefit would I get from doing that anyway? Why would I do something as horrible as that? I consider of you all as my bestfriends, my sisters.. I thought that you would have known me better. - Or am I wrong? Maybe that was what you thought I was. Maybe you guys really thought that my character was as mean as you thought it would be. It also really hurt me when I was told that you guys thought that it was chicken of me to not say those things to your face, but instead, i sent my harsh words through email. *sigh* . Again, another misunderstanding. Believe me, if I was told that notice from Mr Hong while i was present at school, I would have told you guys to your face. I'm not that sort of person who only attacks people though online. Again, this makes me upset of what kind of impression you guys as my friends, have, of my personality. I hope you guys dont get offended at me saying this either. because I accept the fact that it was a human thing to do, when you all judged me last week, so expect the most human reaction reply from me .. because I am also human and it is not abnormal for me to feel upset like this. Please dont misunderstand what I'm trying to say. This doesn't mean that I hate you guys. But as a human, I think it's normal for someone to feel like this after being judged... 

I beg you guys... please forgive me for sending that harsh email to you in the first place. You had every right to get angry and I guess it's human that you all judged me too. However I also beg you guys... to trust me. I would never do all of the mean things that you thought of. Before God, I am here to say that I never wrote any bitchy note about you guys when I put my blog on private. I never wrote that email in the first place for absolutely no reason. Please trust me guys... I had my reasons for that email and I can explain to you all tomorrow if you are reading this right now. I really do appologise and I regret writing that email in the first place. I don't want this sort of misunderstanding between our friendship to happen ever again. You guys mean a lot to me, and I don't ever want to lose you.. Please... let me have my say whenever you feel comfortable to talk to me about this, sometime this week.. I love you , my dear sisters... I blame my selfish attitude for this all. I admit that it was jealously that partly caused it. I was so stressed out in the last two weeks and I guess exactly at that moment, my patience level burst after hearing news from my dad about the Indo Year book  thing. My stress level just exploded because each day, it just kept piling up. 50% was stress due to the amount of school work on my shoulders so it caused me to suffer through severe sleep deprivation, and the other 50% was depression/anger/stress due to the indo exchange program which destroyed the relationship of my family for 2 weeks. And believe me, if Mr Hong didnt tell me about that news on that day, I would have never exploded. But it was too late and unfortunetly I let out all my stress onto you guys.. I'm really sorry. Sincerely sorry.

Though from all of this drama, I have found the moral to it all. 

The first one is the previous image I posted above. and here is the second:

Everyone in this world has a mean side inside of them, no matter how close one friendship may appear... It is not as pure as it seems.. every one in this world is imperfect, and there is nobody in this world who you can trust. There is only one exception, He is - Lord Jesus. I pray that he will forgive me for starting this whole friendship problem, and I ask for forgiveness because I wrote such harsh words to my friends. I ask that he may give me a softer, patient heart, so that despite all the problems that are happening outside of my school life, I can pretend that theres nothing wrong towards my friends and classmates, and so that will prevent me from letting out my anger on them, because that wont do any good. It will only make life worse. I wish that he can teach me to kill my own feelings, so that it wont make me have the feeling or need to express it to anyone, as it will only start a commotion. When problems arrive, dont turn to anyone but God. I believe, that he knows whenever I am upset. He see's every tear that falls down along my face. I don't know if my friends will believe in my story, but I don't care, so long as God knows the truth. He knows exactly what I felt that day, and what had caused me to write that email. All I care about now, is that my dear friends will believe me... and that they will trust me more, and of course, to forgive me. I would appreciate if we remind one another if we make mistakes, so that we can improve. Trust , open-ness and forgiveness is all very important in every friendship. I would rather be told the truth, than to not be told anything and left wondering around about what state our friendship is in. You do realise that I have feelings as well, so every cold reaction you gave me last week, I felt it all , you know.... and I think THAT kind of feeling hurts me more than if I found out the reason why you guys were acting like that. Sure if you guys confronted me, I would have cried or something. But I would rather cry and know the truth, than to not know anything and feel that sense of awkwardness, that angry silence that falls in between us, and feeling isolated like that -  every day. It hurts me every time I think of what you guys thought of me, but I forgive you all. We are all human so we make mistakes all the time. and i know that in every friendship there will always be fights, but no fight is worth dwelling on.. because I believe that our friendship is worth a whole much more. I'm really sincerely sorry once again.. and I promise to never repeat the same mistake ever again. 

I promise.

“Everyone tells you that you deserve better. Then no one is willing to give it to you.”

AWWWWWWWHHHHH!!!!

THIS IS SOO ADORABLE!!!!!!

minho is such A GOOD DADDDDYYYYY!!!!!!

please BE MY HUSBAND- minho? 

...LOL hehehe...

Lord I give you my heart, I give you my soul. I live to make you happy~ for you alone ~ Praise the Lord for blessing us each and every day! ~0(n_n)o~

Uhhh.... DAAAYUMMMM!!!!! 

You guys are like... under going PMS-ing or something! LOL kidding! xD What I mean is that... one day its low, then its HIGH , then its low, then its HIGH then its... yeah you get my point. xD hahahahaha. Anyways, WHOAH , we have a new record! 90 Views yesterday? Thats unbelievable! I feel somewhat... awkward in some ways cuz theres ALOT of people reading about my life... but in another way I feel glad that it's not lonely? hahahaha. I dont know how to put my feelings in a sentence.. but this graph is just .. whoahh.. thats all :]

HAHAHAHA. This is me, attempting to insult people in Javanese. LOL.

jan2.. lambe kalian sembarangan wae .ra matur'nuwun malah golek enak'e dewe. emange keinginan *, ga bayar to? emange kita nih rha kesel jd *'mu ? :| aq sampek kasian ma *ku yg telah jadi kyk budak SIDIA :| SEPERTI KESET TAU. sikap u benar" menjijikan. kalo mau golek seng lbh asyik, pergi'o k tmpat lain wae. ra sah kembali wae sisan. (-_-) huft, jd males mikirin kuwi terus. 

[omg. speaking javanese is so awkward :S]

Lol... yeahhhhhh~ I removed it from my fb status... because some people can understand..... so hoih. but this is what i feel anyway. :(

Who's the most talented person you know?

Taeyang Baby :B . He can sing, dance, choreograph, play piano, and be so dang handsome and lovable! <3

Youre welcome to ask me anything or write any comment for me :]

Mez: I hate your most recent image :\ its offending.

13 Oct 10, 08:55 PM Lucy: Didn't write it, I reblogged it.The only reason you might find it offending is if you're homophobic. 13 Oct 10, 09:55 PM Jena: No, she was offended becase she called God a jerk. I was offended too. And I support gay rights. 14 Oct 10, 03:09 AM Jena: *God was called 14 Oct 10, 09:50 AM Lucy: I meant if she was offended by my reblogging it alone, cause I didn't write the reblogged post. 14 Oct 10, 09:50 AM

Hoih. Someone on formspring insulted this lovely girl named jaenette whose tumblr account is called - JeansBeans - said that Lucy is better - from happymonsters - because she is humble and Jeanette is not. After this conversation, I asked myself. Is this what is meant by humble? Lucy just totally accused me when I was only saying that I found the image that Lucy reblogged was insulting. Mainly because it said that God is a jerk and followed by other offensive statements judging God.. Then another person who reblogged it before lucy, said that God isnt a jerk, but religion is. Then, she reblogged that. But after reading my comment, she totally misunderstood what I meant and attacked me back. Just what the... Even a random girl named Jena tried explaining to her what I meant. (-_-). Well no Lucy, Jena is right. I am not homophobic like what you have suggested to me. I was offended because the image said that God/Religion is a jerk. I was aware that you did not write those words. However, it was still offensive for me and for many other people too. I'm sorry for startling you, which caused you of having to accuse me of being a homophobic.- When in reality, I'm not. Geez, calm down woman.

Awwww. this scene is from "Taeyang's Wedding Dress MV" !

Look at his face down the bottom ! :( Don't worry baby, forget about that bitch who left you for that guy-stalker! You can come to me or Ashley , anyday :] We're happy to share. bahahahahaha.

well that was quick of you to unblock..

(O.o) .. well s-sorry?
I can always put it on private again if you're unhappy..?

Youre welcome to ask me anything or write any comment for me :]

OH EM GEEEEEEEE. MY PARENTS WERE VIEWING MY FACEBOOK PROFILE PHOTOS!!!!!!!!!!! THEY TOTALLY JUST HACKED MY ACCOUNT AND INVESTIGATED THROUGH MY PROFILEEEE!!!! AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and they were complimenting each and every one of my photos!!) *just melts away on the sofa from embarrassment* and i already told them to get off!!! huhuhuhuhuhu... SO EMBARRASSING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!