Today I have been feeling very depressed. I started off with a good morning, though my mood drastically changed after receiving my mark for my biology revision set question back. “Alright, that’s what I got last time.” I thought. But then Ash said to me – “Merry, is it just me, or are we failing biology tests recently?” That question struck me and in that instant, my mood went really low. I wouldn’t say I became de-motivated but rather, despondent to the fact that I realised the same thing as Ashley. Later on, when we asked how our maths test went, my teacher gave me the same old disappointed face, and she said that I did okay. OKAY? I thought. I had studied for ages for that integration test! Turned out I only got 70% - That’s good! you might say, but no, not this year it’s not. I want to prove to my maths teacher that I’m not as stupid as she thinks I am. I was never stupid in maths in the first place, and I will never be stupid. It frustrates me how low she sees me, and how much she has insulted me behind my back. Sometimes, when I think of these things, I wonder if it’s even worth it to still live. Further on to add on my distress, at recess, I accidently walked out the library carrying a library textbook. I really didn’t mean to, but I was careless enough to forget. So then the scary librarian came up to be with a stern face and voice, warning me – “Um. Merry. I have to give you an official warning for this. You’ve disobeyed the school rules. Next time I’ll report you to the school if you do this again.” and I was freaking out.. and so I said – “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry Ms! I really didn’t mean to do it! I’m so sorry!” and she was like – “We don’t look at the intentions of the student, we only look at their actions. So let me tell you again, if you repeat this mistake, I’ll be reporting you.” and then I apologised once again and left with Ash. She doesn’t know how bad she made me feel. Like wth? Does she find pleasure at reporting innocent people? And if I do get reported, what will the consequence be? I have to pay money or something to her? I mean, what’s the point of installing that beeping machine then?? Ugh. then how about Ms Burns? She accidently took a maths book out and that machine thing didn’t even beep! Does the rules apply to teachers as well? I feel like complaining to the school or something. But I can’t. It’s useless. As if the school will listen to a puny insignificant LOCAL student.

I think this is all I have to say for now. I’m getting emotional again.

Does anyone know how to escape from this world without choosing suicide?

Merry.