Good afternoon all~  Gosh, the holidays have gone away so fast! A few weeks ago, I was telling you how I wasn’t excited for the holidays, but now if I’d have to sum up how my overall holidays were, I would say that it was actually alright. I went out a few times with my family to the city and to go shopping. I didn’t end up getting the perfume I wanted (Lovely by Jessica Simpson) BUT I got a $60 itunes gift card instead to share with my brother :) Haha. And we got lots of food which makes me even happier. LOL. Because seriously, the routine for every student is I guess – you study, you get bored, so you check in the fridge or food storage, you don’t find anything yummy, you grumble then you have no motivation to study.. right? Well that’s the good thing about food! You always have something to look forward to during your study break. Right? ….. N-No?..... alright… *awkward* maybe that’s just me then.. Hahahah! :D Anyways speaking of food, I still haven’t gotten over the joke that my two guy friends said to me at camp. 

The story was:

We were all in a study session in the hall, and I was in the kitchen waiting for the kettle to boil. I had nothing else to do, so I ate a biscuit which tasted horrible, and I drink some cordial. I finally gave up waiting for the kettle to boil so I went back to my table with all my friends. One of my friends happened to have Shapes. But I continued studying. Later on, I needed my environment booklet back (which I had previously given to Suchet – My friend) and so before I left to find him, I grabbed 1 SHAPE. When I arrived at his table with all of his friends, I asked for it back. Then my other friend SHAUN decided that it would be funny to say this – “Hey Merry! How come whenever I see you, you are ALWAYS eating!? Hahahahahah!” Then suchet added – “Yeah Merry!!!!! From 6.00 until now, I saw you in the kitchen!!!!! HAHAHAHA.” Then they both laughed, while everyone else was staring at me. And I was like (OMG…………..) and I was sooooo embarrassed so I shouted back – “WHAATT!!!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!! I was waiting for the kettle to boil!!!!!!!! And I’m eating ONE SHAPE!!! Is that a sin or something huh?!” Because I was sooo embarrassed infront of all my guy friends who were sitting at the table, I went away shouting to shaun and suchet – “That’s it! I’m not talking to you two! HUMPH.” Then I went back to my table, feeling so guilty. A few minutes later, shuan came to my table and said – “(smiles) hey merry, it was a joke!!” and I was like – “Im not talking to you! Humph.” And you know, before this happened, Suchet and I were walking together and he wanted to make a joke and he said something like your body isn’t the same as mine (skinny). Hahahaha. And I was like.. thanks.

The thing is…. NO ONE can talk about my weight EXCEPT ME. It’s a very sensitive topic for me ever since I was young. I had been bullied about it all through primary school. And Indonesia culture also likes to tease and focus on anyone who isn't thin. I hate it. I mean, I’m not really angry at Shaun and Suchet anymore, but I don’t think it’s something that I can easily forget. The problem with being short, is that my weight must be below 45kg in order for me to look… “acceptable” or “pleasant” for the eyes. My weight is currently 51kg, and my other friends are the same as me or even more than that, but because they are taller than me, they look “just right” and they have a fantastic bod. No one messes with them. But me, since I’m short, and although I’m not overweight, I LOOK like I’m fat or chubby because my theighs are fat and my arms are fat… BECAUSE I’m SHORT. It’s actually a frustrating thing to think about actually… and I was saying to myself that I’m fine with who I am right now, but when people come along to make jokes about my weight or eating habits because I’m not “the right size for them”, it takes away that self confidence that was originally in me.

So a message for all the boys out there, or even perhaps girls as well:

Please don’t ever insult a girl, even though you might be close friends with her. Although she might act tough, she might be in denial to cover her true feelings. Teasing someone about their weight or eating habits reduces their self confidence. Would you rather have a confident happy friend, or someone who is bulimic or anorexic instead? So before you blurt out something, think again. Most girls are very sensitive and very emotional – Keep that in mind.