apolgies

hey , sorry i was mad yesterday . if anyone was wondering, my last post was dedicated to my friend who is a guy. and yeah . hes so ..... hoih ... i dont even want to comment anymore about him .anyways , gosh i have so much bio stuff due tmor! and its 5 in the morning . and you would think that a 3 day weekend would be able to get everything finished. owhh but youre wrong . cuz when ever theres a holiday, ALL teachers give hw and then they say that its due ON THE DAY WE COME BACK from the long weekend . hoih . stupid IB school..

EMOTIONAL!!!!!!!!

UGH . I SWEAR, YOU ARE SO DANG RUDE LIKE A PIECE OF BIRD SHITE .

you call yourself a friend. ???? A FRIEND ONLY TO HER , MAYBE!!!!

i come and ask for your help . something that relates to both of us . something called ENGLISH HOMEWORK THATS DUE IN 2 MORE DAYS, and you say that you CANT BE BOTHERED TYPING SIMPLE QUESTIONS FOR ME ???? HUH ????? I mean what do you do all day anyway ?? how long does it take to help a friend huh ?? and you stop after giving me ONE QUESTION . and u say that you cant be bothered typing the rest !!! ?? YOU ARE THE LAZIEST PERSON i have ever met!!!!!!!!! You not only have me mad, but other people too! You are so unconsiderate, that maybe one day when you need help from someone or maybe even a FRIEND, THEY WONT HELP YOU, cuz KARMA IS PUNISHING YOU!!!!!!!!!!! Ughhhhhh. and then i ask for your help the second time (only to test you) , and you still give the same fricken annoying response!!!!!!!! I ONLY ASKED FOR A FRIEND'S MSN ADDRESS. and you question me = y ? .. WHAT DO YOU F*CKING MEAN WHY???? SHE IS MY FRIEND DUH YOU STUPID LARRR!!!!!!! Just because shes the only girl you frikken respect, that doesnt mean you need to sound like as if her address is some secret that only you can know!!!!

YOU ARE A COMPLETELY HORRIBLE FRIEND . HORRIBLE . 

THAT IS FOR YOU .

a beautiful mistake in my life

Sorry i havent been blogging.

i have waay too much homework

wayy to much stress

almost failing in some subjects

and something outrageous happened 2 days ago.

i had sent him an awfully long email. telling him to throw my heart away and erase his name from my heart.

i had told him that it was fine if we were never to speak again , just as he requested. but he had to do the things i mentioned. give back my heart so that i wont be waiting for a hint of hope from him anymore and to erase his name from my heart, so that all the memories will disappear. Because to be honest, i have tried for how many months now? 2 months ? To forget about him . and its not working . i dont have the strength and power to erase him from my memories. so i begged for his help.

but instead, he wrote me a note stating that he still loved / cared about me . he replied to me and gave me an answer which was utterly unexpected. i thought he hated me . i thought he despised me . i thought that i was the one girl who broke his heart because i lost trust in him when he was innocent . but he didnt . he still loves me. if i were with him, i would hug him and burst into tears. i seriously still care about him . i really do . i would do anything to be able to see him again and spend just one day with him  . just one day! thats all im asking for . i sometimes imagine us riding on his motorbike and me holding onto him around his waist. and to feel the same feelings i had with him the first time . oh and how happy i was when i found out that he was going to attend this mass church gathering to praise Lord Jesus. For a moment, i stopped, and wondered - has he really changed ? He mentioned on the email that he also wonders, because he actually can get a new girlfriend so easily , since he is goodlooking , but he wonders why only my name comes up every time . I, MYSELF wonder how i could make him confess all this ? what did i do to make him fall in love with me, if he is telling the truth now ? and i have to believe him this time because i have to learn to trust him . i have accused him so many times, and how i have hurt him so repetitively . oh what will i do ?

Should i trust his words, and continue to wait for him ? Or shall i just move on .? 

 he continues to hold the key to my heart.

oh please , i beg of someone to come and replace him . im ready to wait for someone new .

huuumpphhh.

Hello world.

How are you all ? Hm. if you ask me, im in the most moodiest mood ever . Like my friends and i started freaking out about our chem test. then me and ash ended up crying cuz we think we failed. then biology kinda cheered me up. and yeah . and then the reason why i was emo yesterday was cuz KEVIN FRICKEN TALKED TO ME AGAIN after 1.5 MONTHS OF GIVING ME THE SILENCE TREATMENT. and you know how LONG it took me to get over him!?!?!? and once i thought that i had really moved on, he decided to state some status which made me uneasy and then he fricken emailed me , telling me off how we shouldnt talk anymore even on fb because apparently he is disappointed with me again since i accused him without any proof.!! and like why the shite would he look at my profile !!??? I thought he hated me!!!

.

IM EMO ALL OVER AGAIN . 

a disappeared friend..

.
-sigh- i've been sleeping for 2 days in a row after school , and so i end up not doing homework ? hoih..... i just feel like sleeping all the timeee, i want holidays all over again.. hoih ... anyways , school has been normal i guess . i started talking with him again , which is nice . oh ! today, i found out that saharat left my envi class because he changed his bio class!! So now i have lost my buddy!!!! :( i was so disappointed.. and i still am . now theres no one sitting next to me on my right ... its just there.... lonely... for forever.... T____T no one to tease.. okayy im sorry if im getting emotional . but seriously i really am disappointed that he left meeee......

on other news, my brother frankie bought me a present from dreamworld ! Im so lucky that i have become friends with someone so nice and caring like him .. hehe so sweet~

in conclusion : i dont know who i like . seriously , i have been associating with so many guys from indo and here, until i dont know if i even like anyone. i think i see them as all my friends . but i dont know about greeny!! :S all his friends tease him . all my friends tease me . people generally just tease us when were together so........ bahahaahah . funny . we'll see what happens ey ?

hehe okay better finish homework! after writing this blog, im now motivated! horrayyy!

xxxxxxx love you.

something that changed my life .

Yesterday was just amazing.! I had the deepest 2.5hour conversation with my family! well actually my brother just stayed silent the whole time ( i think he was sleepy. . . aw..) but yeah! i felt so gooood to finally let it out. I confessed ! Because something amazing happened to me a few days ago and il never forget it.. because it will change my life . ilovemyJesus . hahaha . waaaaaaaaaah tomorrow is schooL! 0_o im soo not prepared! i havent even started my english!!!!! its been on my laptop screen since yesterday and i am stuck with the first theme. . . . . .   *breaks down and cries.* but i cant wait to get out from my school! i wanna be free and see the world! hehehee. then succeed and become a doctor ^^ amen amen amen.

Toodles! im off to do english at last! ( i think . )

x

its just so pretty .

A little something inside my heart

Our Beginning ♥

by Silent

I met you as a friend ( or more like a playboy . ) 

We later became the best of friends ( within nine days spending time with you . )

But little did I know I'd start to have feelings for you ( because of your kindness and care you gave me . )

I started like you  ( but it soon became love . )

As you started to like me ( that night . those confessions . are still here in my heart . )

It was all unexpected ( since you were a playboy . until you met me , and you promised that you wouldn't hurt another girl's heart ever again. )

But It was something I wanted ( because no other boy has ever treated me as loving and caring as you had. )

Something I couldn't stop from happening ( i fell in love . for real . for the first time ever . )

I reminisce and look back at the times ( when you taught me what the meaning of love was . )

When we would walk to school  sit together in class . ( knowing that the whole girl population from our class kept looking at us . )

Holding hands walking by your side ( it was more than that. i was nervous - but i held onto his waist as he drove me home that day. )

It was something so magical ( because i had never experience anything like it before . like i was living in a typical love movie where everything was perfect)

I'd look into your eyes and see my  (our) happiness ( like that time when we looked and smiled at eachother as you walked down the stairs )

Whenever I hear your voice ( oh how i wish to hear it again . )

Its like as if my heart knows its you ( his voice was perfect through the telephone . so soft , it made me fall in love. )

My heart starts to beat like crazy ( like 100km/hour )

I get butterflies in my stomach ( whenever you looked at me in class or when you asked never-ending-questions about myself. )

Just thinking bout you my mind goes crazy ( you have no clue how many pages i wrote about you to my bestfriend .)

I think about the day of when I got to see you ( when you looked at me, my heart smiled to see you smile at me . )

I get excited to know that I'm going to see my baby ( i was, i really was. )

That person is you ( obvious. )

The one who makes me smile everyday ( you did and it made my day, everyday)

The reason for why I wake up every morning ( to see you at school . but that time when you were sick , i was disappointed for the whole day.. not being able to be with you . )

Baby I love you and you are the world to me ( since that night like you said, you took my heart and placed your name inside. and  only i had the key to win your love from your heart. )

Please don't leave my side ( but you already have . . . and now things have moved on between us . )

( oh how i was this close with my decision for you. how i was so certain that you were the one . my first . & my last)

My brother. whom i shall forever love .

So . . OK well my original plan of blogging regularly failed. hahaha. Anywhos, I've just been busy with homework in preparation for going back to school . . speaking of school.. I have to go back in 5 days!! T_T i dont wannnna! Cuz this term i have exams!!  wuwuw :(

ahh changing topics, since i missed out on camp, i spent 1 week with my family ❤ and during that week, i had fun spending time with my brother ^^ . hehe.. i luv him so muchhhhh. His name is andre , and he is growing up.. but hes still too cute hehehe, but he can be cheeky too - -" hahah.

I had always wanted a brother when I was in grade prep (6 yrs old). i was always jealous of my friends who had brothers or sisters of their own. And yet, i was an only child with my mum & dad. I felt only and jealous whenever i saw my friends play with their siblings. I remember telling mum - Mum ! You are so JAHAT (mean/cruel - in indonesian) ! everyone has a brother or sister except for me! I want one!!!! - and then i would start crying 0_o . . . .  but then one day, God blessed my family with a little cute baby boy, my brother, Andre . ♥

He is my inspiration to happiness, joy, laughter and optimism.

we have our fun webcam moments .

he never fails to make me smile or laugh.

although cheeky at times, I cant live without my brother.

Cuz he is more than I had ever asked for . He would cheer me up with his jokes at times when i am depressed. speak softly when i am angry . be so energetic when i am lacking energy . smile his cutest to make me and my mum say awwwwh .

Thanks to Lord Jesus , for blessing & giving my family and answering my prayers when i was still a child to have a younger sibling , my brother Andre .

Until next time. Merry x