Well to all of the readers who have been reading my blog regularly, you must already know who kevin is. And now you will know who he was. Cuz now, I'm just telling you guys, that we have broken up . It's been two days, and I didn't update straight away because I needed a day or two to set my mind straight , to get over the sadness and blah blah blah. I just spent a night, thinking over all the memories I first had with him . How sweet he treated me when we first met, how he made me feel like the whole world was complete only with him, but now i found out that people can change over time - no matter how sweet they first seemed. So yeah, you guys must already know how much I loved him. How much he meant to me. But unfortunately, we couldn't prolong our relationship any further.

But yeah, thank goodness I'm over it, I've had my moments of realization that he isn't the one for me, so I guess for all you love-story/ quote haters can have a sigh of relief cuz I guess I wont be blogging about loving kevin anymore. hahahah. Its time to move on, and i guess im not that surprised that im not full on depressed as last time, because each time i think of him, my mind straight away reminds me of how much he hurt me , how little effort he put into our relationship. We tried 3 times. three times and i thought we would be strong enough. or even stronger than we were before! But i was wrong. Our love and sense of care for each other was obviously weaker than before. We had lost all of it. Well I still think I loved him with all my heart. Proof? Why did I still love him after all these months when all my friends thought I was crazy to be with him in the first place (because how many times he had hurt me), but I dont know, I think i was too ...what's the word... inspired? no.. not that. hmmm i was too.. infatuated by his over-sweetness of him when we first got together. And i just kept believing that he would always be like that. But the fact was that, he broke my heart several times, like how he wrote love statuses on his facebook about some other girl. and if they were meant for me, then why didnt he talk to me as much and express his true love feelings straight towards me? (like he used to) and yes , maybe I was too selfish, but long distance relationships are really difficult. especially when one has no webcam. its feels like online dating , for those who wanted to know what it feels like. So anyway, he told me that our relationship couldn't last any longer because Im always suspicious. - suspicious? well why shouldnt I be. He meant everything to me , yet he never considered my feelings what-so-ever. He never told me anything about all his statuses and his LOVE NOTE that he published on facebook (and that was addressed to his ex-girlfriend). So what does he think I am? a rebounder? meaning , he only dated me because he couldnt get another chance with his other ex? So anyways, I guess after thinking about all this, he isn't worth spending time to think about. Yes i admit he was my first love, and everything, and the only one who made me completely happy (and other several things I mentioned prior to this post like loooonng time ago on my blog) , but our love didnt last long. Maybe because we werent destined to be with eachother. Well I believe in destiny anyway, not sure if you guys do either or not. - sigh - anyways, this is what my final status was for facebook (to kevin.):

"Aku minta maaf, karena selalu curiga, tp dlm setiap hubungan, harus ada komunikasi yg baik. Kepercayaan tidak berarti kita bisa mendapati dgn gratis, but we must work for it in order to gain that trust. Especially when, hbgn jarak jauh sulit bgt, dan rasa sayang/cinta kita tidak sekuat kayak dulu. Mungkin cinta itu tidak bisa dipaksa. I hope you will find a wanita yang lebih cocok bagi kamu... Im sorry once again :("

(translated): " I am sorry, for always being suspicious towards you, but in every relationship, there must be good communication. Trust isnt something we get for free, but we must work for it in order to gain that trust. Especially when long-distance relationships are very difficult, and our feeling of love and care for eachother is not as strong as it used to be. Perhaps love really cannot be forced. I hope you will find a girl who is more suitable for you. I'm sorry once again."

~sigh. So anyway, I found this thing, which everyone should read. It would really make relationships last longer. Well, that concludes my post for today.

Happy Holidays Everybody :)

Me and Kevin : ♥ May 21st 2010 - June 28th

awwwh, frankie just sent me an email and it was so nice of him :) and but no, i dont like him , he is still my older brother , and always will be <3 hehe. anyways, holidays have just been ... normal.. pretty much boring , cuz we still cant go anywhere since my dad still has to go to school to do reports!!! grrr! so annoyyying! all the other schools are free already!! and also, i was looking at Assumption's (a highschool) , formal this year, and omg!! they had such a nice venue! unlike us! our school could only afford to hire the kilmore hall - -" gosh!! so craaappy!! thats why i have said to my parents and my brother a million times for him to NOT i repeat NOT go to my school! the facilities SUCK and the program sucks all together! -mumbles off in the background- anyways , i found a picture that represents the story of my love life. well almost . hahahah.

500 views?! :O :O :O
thank you all so much! cuz now i dont feel like my blog is just some loner! hahah :D

xoxo mwach!

First day of holidays :D hahaha finally! hehe. well first thing , i woke up at 11 today 0.o ... and then when dad woke me up, he said - oh so merry , are you taking revenge huh... just because its holidays you want to sleep until night time.. hmm? .... ahem...... well whuuuut... my bed was so warm...!! hehehe. so then i had breakfast, and then i got out my keyboard and started to learn Oasis by Beast . *dreamy sigh* its such a sweet song... but yeahh so now ive mastered the first part of the song.. and it took me an hour 0.o hahaha. oh well .. and my brothers coming home from schoool in half an hour! i misss him already!! the house is so lonely without him.. - -" ahhaha. so anyways .. i forgot to tell you guys .. since me and kevin are still together ( yes yes you can all scream and yell at me - but chillax im not gonna be all emotional anymore. because its not worth it . as many of you agreed on facebook, i deserve a better guy. so im just gonna see how long kevins gonna last with me . i know we aint gonna last forever, but im sick of us fighting all the time, so im not gonna nag him or email him . Im gonna make him do the work . if he wanted to still be together with  me , and when he said that we can contact through email (cuz he decided to deactivate his facebook because of social problems) , and then i told him that he has to email me first because last time when i tried to email his yahoo for the first time, it didnt work, so now i shall see how long it takes before he misses me and emails me with his own intentions. hmmph. lol ... alright ~ toooodles peoples :)

http://crashedcar.tumblr.com/

GO TO THAT WEBSITE NOW! (from tumblr again. hehe) . ITS SO DANG CUTE! Look at the pictures from that site! hehehe *squeelings due to the cuteness-overload!*

I guess he chose for us to separate. He decided to let go of me. But i still have some hope. I can wait a few more days, before I confirm to myself that hes returned the key to my heart and never to return back to it. Break ups are so sad, and yes I'm getting teary,  but as i mentioned before in this blog, this third-time relationship, will not break me , but will only make me stronger. I swear to remind myself to never get back together with him . Because I will remind myself how our relationship was at this very moment. How we always had our ups and downs, but in a week, there was more negatives than positives. Though, I will only keep the good memories between us when we first met. But obviously, all those messages from him weren't his true feelings, because there was another girl , who had the real key to his heart. And that girl, wasnt me.

I'm sorry if i was never perfect enough for you.

I guess there won't be any of this anymore for us , Kevin .

Weeeeeeeeeeee. I'm freee, at last! ...ahem well not technically .. since i still have indo exam tomorrow, BUT! i almost memorise all the words.. so il just spend an hour or so memorizing tonight :) weeee, im so haaappy, cuz i think i did waaay better on todays english exam ^^

wow... im actually beginning to miss you.

Ha , so firstly i found this pic a couple of weeks ago. its quite cute actually o(n_n)o . I found it from 'jeansbeans.tumblr.com' . weeee to the cuteness! hehehe. anyway , so thats why you should join TUMBLR because it is a never-ending site! It is a blog site , for those who dont know that yet . And basically you can just search up images about basically anything! and usually the pictures are super clear. and , there are SO many doodlers on tumblr , and dont worry , tumblr isnt only for girls! :P hahaha. but anyway, you should have a look at it sometime and for those who liked 'weheartit.com' i guarantee that tumblr is twice as addictive . hehehe. enjoy it :)
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 TOY STORY 3! I wanna go see it! or i can just wait until i go to bali to go buy the dvd! ^^ teeheee . it looks so cute! and ive always been a fan of toy story... ahem... hahahah. anyways yeahhh~ i heard it was a good movie anyways :) teehee. 

(p.s how cuuute is this drawing ! Again, i found it on tumblr drawn by an artist! - sugardoodle -

    

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So anyways, i have been bored all day! -zzzz- i (along with other people who take the same subjects as me ) had no exams today! woo hoo! so although i was sorta free, i got told off for being on msn last night. (Sorry ash!) but yeah... so lame... and so i just memorised indo today... complained how people invented such words... ahhaha but apart from that i got to spend time with my mum ♥ . anywho.... im so lazy to study for english too! arrghh! but i HAVE to do better than the last eng exam! cuz i think i failed it :\ hmmm. anywhooos, imma go off now :) my brother wants to watch some movie with me . hehehe.

Waaaah :( I had my math exam today! and i think i faaaailed! T_T . haaaaaaaaaaiih , i dont wanna think about it.  but i do, but i dont .. haih - -" so anywho, things happened last night . but basically, me and kevin are having a break. he can solve his problems, while i set my self straight . i shouldnt be egois like he said i was :( im such a bad girlfriend :( huuft.

Im too emotional to blog tonight.  but il update if im any better soon. anyways, listen to this song by 2AM . its pretty good but emo. anyway, suits how i feel tonight :(

Even if I die, I can't let you go.
Regardless of the age, it all hurts the same
Regardless of how young you are, we all know and feel pain

Why did you lie that everything will be ok?
The broken heart doesn't get repaired easily
How will I live without you, so...

Even if I die, I can't let you go
How could I let you go if you're planning to leave
Then fix my heart so I can at least live on painlessly
If you can't, then since I wouldn't be able to live
I can't let you go even if I die

No matter how much you push me away, I will hold on to you till the end
So you won't be able to go anywhere

If you are really leaving, then lie
Let's meet tomorrow and meet with a smile
Then say that you were joking about breaking up if not then...

Even if I die, I can't let you go
How could I let you go if you're planning to leave
Then fix my heart so I can at least live on painlessly
If you can't, then since I wouldn't be able to live
I can't let you go even if I die

We spent so much time together
But how could I live alone now?
I can't do that, I can't

Even if I die, I can't let you go, I really can't let you go
If you're planning to leave, then fix my heart
so I can at least live on painlessly
If you can't, then since I wouldn't be able to live
I can't let you go even if I die


- Lyrics - 2AM (Korean Band)

Are you fricken serious, ASHLEY SEE? You wannna leave TKIS?! whaaaaaaaaaat! dont leaveeeee meeee at this prison!!!!!!!!!  hahahaha.

- - - -
Anywho.. ahem.. i was formspring-ed by some one and look what they said :

Ok sorry that the image is not that clear.. (gaahh stupid blogspot.....) , but yeahhh... and then the following night they sent me another one:

hahahah , well what else was i suppose to say? hahah. then i asked declan if it was him (since i know that he sometimes reads my formspring, but it wasnt him.. and he sounded honest, so i didnt accuse him.. so who else could it be? hmmm. so suspicious.... hahaha. 

anyway, tmor is math exam! D: im so scared...!!!

wish me luck !!

xxxx

haiihhh... so i was having an alright morning , cuz im hoping that il get at least a 6 for my bio exam :) but then during english exams.. i think i seriously failed. i dont even wanna talk about it on here. but yeahh , i basically had a mind blank for 15minutes 0_o. not good. just not good. lol.. ah well.... :(

DOUBLE YOU TEE EFF.

I comment. you ignore.

Someone else comments. you reply.

????????????????????????????????

Is it wrong for me to miss on our past memories, too much ?

Don't know why I feel so depressing. I guess every day I come home from school, checking facebook, hoping that he's left me a message to wish me goodluck or something - But I find nothing . Even a little 'hello , I love you.' would brighten up my day. Then I find out that hes going to Jakarta and he doesnt know whether he's coming back to Solo anymore. And all this, I didnt find this through him telling me. I found out through his wall comments. He didnt even bother to tell me? That he's leaving to Jakarta?  Dont I mean anything to him anymore? –sigh- I mean , i remember all those past memories when you texted me every day and everynight , saying how you were thinking of me, and how much you wanted to be together with me. How you changed your personality after you met me. How you would look at me in class (and that made me nervous) and how we saw eachother for the last time, after you dropped me off at my house. How i lightly touched your arm, and said goodbye . And the way your eyes saw me for the last time, made my heart cry. I really miss our past. i really miss our memories. has time really separated us? has time really made you not love me anymore? -sigh. oh well. maybe we were never meant to be anyway. at least this time if we fade apart, I’ll be prepared and remind myself in the future , how he treated me. So that we won’t ever make the same mistake again of us being together.

WELL OK! after finding out HER SCORE , i think i might kill myself :) (*joking joking) . But seriously I HATE MY MATH TEACHER SO MUCH its NOT funnnny! UGH! like how the F*CK am I AT THE SAME LEVEL AS THE LOWEST PERSON FROM EMMA's CLASS???? I am NOT at the same level as HIM! Hes like the laziest person aliveeeee and i DO NOT deserve to be at the same standard as him!!! and i am NOT hesitant to protest if that BITCH is gonna keep being UNFAIR like this!!!!! My school is just filled with disorganised- not being able to teach, TEACHERS! . Goshhhh, i just felt like crying after school! But dad told me that i shouldnt be so angry because its not good for me. Like I know being angry isnt good for me , but this school is making me insane!!!! Seriously, even my dad asked if I wanted to quit school and go to another school. Like HOW THE SHITE can i become a doctor if my stupid math teacher isnt helping me ???? Seriously! The people in my class who get 7's is because they are ORIGINALLY GENIUSES AT MATHS! and they self study! my teacher is soo ughhhhh!!! Like getting a 4 in STANDARD LEVEL MATH, is just LOW! its NOT GOOD. ughhhhh...!!! Whatever!!! I dont care if i cant become a doctor! I'm gonna try my best!!! and NOT THANK HER AT THE END OF YEAR 12!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! even if i get a 6 or 7 ( :O OKAY that seems impossible from my position now!) , i SWEAR I WILL NOT THANK HER. cuz i will know that getting a 6 or a 7 is MY WORK not any of her stupid bull crapping shite that she does on the board in class!

ok sorry for the extreme post today... i am a bit agitated / angry / frustrated at my math teacher , who i will kill in my dreams tonight :)

HA! I changed my blog layout once again! The other one was too messy to handle! i had no idea how to change pictures and all that shizz :( so yeahhh, i actually like this one better :) hehe . Anyway, please be patient once again, before i decorate this blog with my own words and pictures. I have exams tomorrow and i have no time, and yes, you may be wondering why im blogging now, and thats because its a little something called... p r o c r a s t i n a t i o n ! (i recommend you not to do it .) hahahha.

Anyways, off to finish studying!

xx

omg.. exams are tomorrow! TOMORROW !! - -" hoih. and i totally need more time to revise on chemistry.
i really hope i get at least a 5 on the exams. cuz if i fail or something.....

My blog viewed 173 times in 2 weeks?

Woah ! Although that doesnt seem alot compared to other fancy blogs,
thats still alot for me ! - Thanks Readers :) x

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee . Im soooo happpy! :D I've been talking to himmm all day now ~ and being able to talk to him like this makes me happyyy . hehehe. like finally!!! this is what normal couples should be doinnggg! like i mean althoughhhhh we kinda had this ... ahem.... awkward silence cuz bad news struck me, i got over it and we're talking again :) and its been 4 weeks now! :D so im so happpy that this LDR (*long dis. relationship) is working for us <3 heheheee. - sighs satisfyingly ^^ teeeheee. I'm so glad that both of us kept holding on <3

i just got told off for slacking !

HAHAHAHA.

geeeeez, kevin.

bahahah xxx

Hellos! Well... Im kinda studying for exams, and although im in a blogging mooood, i shall post a few quote pictures for this post :) . P.S - the first one is SO true! so for all the guys out there, pay attention to it why dont you (n____n)"

You know ... i just realised that posting these on tumblr looks SO MUCH professional. Cuz the pictures are all so clear... and nice looking... hahaha. nevermind. OH! yes , i do have tumblr toooo! :D so if you wanna check it out, my websites is >>> http://you-are-mysunshine.tumblr.com/ . I tend to only post up pictures that i like so yeahhh :) hehe .

Love youuuu alll xxxxxx

Our Love and its' timeline. 

I thought you were the one.
The only one.
You were the first to make me fall in love.
The only one who made me happy.
The only one who had the key.
The only one who taught me about cinta.
The only one who made me feel complete.

I thought you were my everything.
That it was only you who I wanted.
Though now that my wish came true,
Why does my heart tell me, that now it's not you.

Sometimes we're so close,
Sometimes we're so far,
And when it reaches to that point,
The heart remembers its old scar.
The scar that you left me.
That scar that I left you.
Until our hearts begin to think,
That this isn't going to reach very far.
So what ever happened to us?
In fact, we used to be sooo close before.
Our love was like a drug, 
Where we just kept begging for more.

It was time that opened the gate,
The gate that made us meet.
It was time that made us settle.
It was time that made love sweet.
It was time that made our love seem like fate
But it was time that made us hate.
Now it is time that made us distant.
So will that mean that time will make us separate?

<3 And if time separates us, 
It means that we were never meant to be,
because it's the third time we are trying
And if it fails once more,

- - - I guess it's time for both of us to let go.


Written by Me . 

- sigh - he just wrote a new status a few hours ago . and i just got my indo friend to explain to me what the meaning is , and it was quite sad . cuz the explanation made sense . seems like it relates to me and him . *sniff . im not sure how much longer we're gonna last . its been around 4 weeks ,, and now communication is the problem? well i told him i had exams soon....... = =" and im the one having to start all our emails.. so hoih..

So this is how I feel right now . Every week . Every day . 

As i read your emails , I miss you so much sayang :(

 Sometimes it feels to me that you dont put as much effort as I do . You aren't like what you used to be . Not getting a reply from you in public humiliates me . Do you just want me for the sake of it ? Or do you actually still care about me ?

 I thought that this is what I wanted . What we wanted . But now it seems like you dont miss me at all . I know I shouldnt make be making any irrational accusations, but at least give me some sign of hope that you still care about me . It makes me ask myself this question, over and over again: 

From that very day we meet , on the 4th of January , I still remember every detail that has happened between us . The way you changed , day by day . Until you finally gave up your character , being a playboy . You made me fall in love with you . Everyday you taught me everything about love . It made my world complete. You were everything I wanted . Or that's what I thought it was. It's been 5 months . Five months, filled with drama. We've been through the happiness of becoming friends, falling in love , being influenced by others, breaking eachother's hearts , seeking revenge on eachother , feeling guilty , crying our lungs out, hating one another , not talking for months , slowly recovering , not being able to let go , and finally re-confessing to each other . We've been through alot . and we finally decided to fix everything and get back together. We had the key to each others heart.

But now i think that we've lost that special feeling . We aren't in love any longer . And it breaks my heart to say that . It really does sayang..

What I want, is the happiness we once had . Is that too much to ask for? :(

FINALLY my english teacher sent back my english oral =D
he said my oral is good and i shouldnt have any problems if i re-edit it ;D yayayayay!
but haihhhh , i still got so much bio reports to doooo, ad study for tests!!!!!! T___T . and exams . AND THAT FRICKEN TOK essay! ughhhh. haih. Anywho, enjoy the rest of your weekend everybody :)

LOOK WHAT I FOUND FROM TUMBLR! :DDDD THEY ARE SO FRICKEN CUTEEEEE ! n_n hehehe . of course, im thinking they all come from Japan ! 

(*** i am not the rightful owner of these pictures. However , my only intentions were to share the cuteness on my blog for people to see :) cheers.)

(Korean Band : Beast)

Alright , I'll confess , I'm currently addicted to a few Beast's songs , and just looking at a few pictures of them , they really aren't that bad looking! Their voices are amazing , most their songs are upbeat and catchy , they are great dancers ( ok , something that doesnt shock us really.. all korean bands can dance hip-hop! lol!) and they have some emotional songs too. Hence , they complete my criteria . hehe . If you're interested in finding out more about them , heres a few of my favourite songs from them :

• Shock 
• Just before shock
• Take care of my girlfriend ( **quoting ashley to pei yun : 'this song is damn good! you know!'
• Oasis ( touching lyrics and beat )
• Bad Girl 
• Mystery ( joshua loves this song! haha . )

So if you're a korean band/artist lover , I highly recommend you to know this band! hahaha.

OR you can just get more updates from AllKpop about aaaall your favourite korean artists :D . CLICK HERE >>>> http://www.allkpop.com/

In other news... today in english , as soon as shaun heard ash play music , he quickly came up to us and demanded to watch the cabi water park mv commercial again. hahaha!! then before we knew it , ellena , tambi , audrey , and malanu came to watch it too . Then when skinner found out that there were 'hot girls (asian of course!) , he came and joined! It was so funnny cuz it was a debate between the girls and shaun about who was hotter . SNSD or 2PM . and ellena was like : the guys are  much hotter than all you combined. .HAHA :DDDD and thats sooo true ! hehee.

(see how sexy that guy is!!! :DDD . but shaun kept saying how hot Yoona (the girl) is ... hoihhh..hahaha)

Anywhoooo , shall get back to TOK ..... - sigh -

xxxxxxx love you all readers .!